And iam starting a Happy blog

Since this blog has become too intense, personal and melodramatic, I'am starting a new blog with no past,

http://paradox17.blogspot.com/ ... follow me there

old maid

A Streetcar Named Desire, Something about the movie stuck a deep cord inside, couldn't help crying in the end. We all live in our make believe worlds, but for a unlucky few it becomes their tomb.

change01

For the first time i have postponed something in life, my usual approach would have been ramming my head into situation without giving much thought about the outcome, and being in more trouble later.
After a long time I am scared of loosing.

So true...

Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano

Dr. StrangeLove

Love is a strange thing, it goes against every fiber of common sense, the best path for the next phase of evolution would be to erase away all the love hormones and genes. Being communal did speed up things for humankind, but being in love seems to do the opposite.
Sometime back i was watching this subtitled Bengali movie, about two teenagers who fall in love, get separated tragically, and the girl ends up becoming a prostitute, as fate would have it the boy finds, success and a wife, and the girl ends up with a rich patron who marries her eventually, and it would have been a happy ending, if their path hadn't crossed again, an affair starts between them and destroys everything, and in the end the girl gets kicked out and ends up where she began. Its tragic and goes against common sense. What kind of self destructive and reckless thoughts lead her to her own funeral, its called love and celebrated all over the world.
There are so many hauntingly beautiful fictional stories about the love that conquers all, but what about the "true" stories about the love so dark and potent it incinerates everything it touches.
True love is an urban myth, if i clone myself and decide to have a relationship with myself, even that wouldn't be true love, the demands and expectation has been raised sky high over the years it is impossible.
The perception of love and the reality of love is like taking a dip in ice cold water and staying that way till your mind goes numb, most of the time its a blind man searching for what is real and what is faked, he knows the description of red color, he has heard about its grandeur all his life, he thinks he knows it, but then he cant see it ever, only feel it, the mind can play all sorts of trick on him, make him feel red when he is seeing blue. We are blind with our emotions, all our life we have seen love movies and read about love, but when we see it, we have no clue whether it is real or faked, are we seeing red or blue?

I can see the halo floating above your head

A person has two best friends, the positive and negative, you can take the worst situation and make it sound positive and on the other the hand take the best situation and make it look negative, its all in the conditioning of the head.

But reality check that is the difficult territory, seeing things for what it really is, without adding or subtracting things, being unbiased, for example, if I had got just 40 in Hindi, my mom would have ranted on and on about how much Iam abusing the good life she has given me and not studying which is the only expectation she has, and my dad would have praised me non-stop for managing to pass in such a difficult subject, my parents are definitely at the opposite ends of the spectrum, and luckily it works for them.

But the reality of most relationship is there are no knight in shining armours and there is no out and out Bitch. We project the person based on certain experiences until we become so suffocated with these notions and assumptions, that we go blind.

Knock knock for a reality check before its too late.

One day at a time

There are so many thoughts running amuck in my head, its getting harder and harder to take a snap shot of a moment and make it my own, the biggest question would be what next, where next. The sad little story of a nobody, with everything to loose.

There are noises in my life, the noise of the kid playing outside my window with her parents in the evening, the noise of the fan, the noise of the television, and above all the noise of an emptiness, the stillness that embraces me with her cold fingers, licking the last lashes of fire within me.

Drunk in the headiness of youth, I fondly watched the darkness of loneliness creeping around me, the last single girl, and now that Iam completely entrenched in the darkness, i wish to see a speck of light. But alas the scars on the face heals faster then the scar on the heart.

Never here, never there, and nowhere much to go.

She looked around, awakened from her musing, she loved the old trees, the way they smell, the way the sun hides beneath the clouds, she sighed, time for her to get back home, she lived in mortal fear of everything especially people. People are weird they take you and then they try to change you, and just when you accept that something is wrong with you and decide to change they drop you like a hot rod.

She started walking back home from the park, she felt like a thousand years old, slouched from the mere exhaustion of living, weighed down by the decisions she made and the people she hurt. Wish she had the courage to say sorry, but its easier to hide here. And hence another day passes by.