Avant Garde

And iam starting a Happy blog

2011-08-05T10:15:00.002+05:30

Since this blog has become too intense, personal and melodramatic, I'am starting a new blog with no past,

http://paradox17.blogspot.com/ ... follow me there

old maid

2011-05-21T03:04:00.004+05:30

A Streetcar Named Desire, Something about the movie stuck a deep cord inside, couldn't help crying in the end. We all live in our make believe worlds, but for a unlucky few it becomes their tomb.

change01

2011-05-19T11:31:00.004+05:30

For the first time i have postponed something in life, my usual approach would have been ramming my head into situation without giving much thought about the outcome, and being in more trouble later.
After a long time I am scared of loosing.

So true...

2011-05-18T15:41:00.002+05:30

Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano

Dr. StrangeLove

2011-04-21T02:10:00.004+05:30

Love is a strange thing, it goes against every fiber of common sense, the best path for the next phase of evolution would be to erase away all the love hormones and genes. Being communal did speed up things for humankind, but being in love seems to do the opposite.
Sometime back i was watching this subtitled Bengali movie, about two teenagers who fall in love, get separated tragically, and the girl ends up becoming a prostitute, as fate would have it the boy finds, success and a wife, and the girl ends up with a rich patron who marries her eventually, and it would have been a happy ending, if their path hadn't crossed again, an affair starts between them and destroys everything, and in the end the girl gets kicked out and ends up where she began. Its tragic and goes against common sense. What kind of self destructive and reckless thoughts lead her to her own funeral, its called love and celebrated all over the world.
There are so many hauntingly beautiful fictional stories about the love that conquers all, but what about the "true" stories about the love so dark and potent it incinerates everything it touches.
True love is an urban myth, if i clone myself and decide to have a relationship with myself, even that wouldn't be true love, the demands and expectation has been raised sky high over the years it is impossible.
The perception of love and the reality of love is like taking a dip in ice cold water and staying that way till your mind goes numb, most of the time its a blind man searching for what is real and what is faked, he knows the description of red color, he has heard about its grandeur all his life, he thinks he knows it, but then he cant see it ever, only feel it, the mind can play all sorts of trick on him, make him feel red when he is seeing blue. We are blind with our emotions, all our life we have seen love movies and read about love, but when we see it, we have no clue whether it is real or faked, are we seeing red or blue?

I can see the halo floating above your head

2011-04-09T10:01:00.008+05:30

A person has two best friends, the positive and negative, you can take the worst situation and make it sound positive and on the other the hand take the best situation and make it look negative, its all in the conditioning of the head.

But reality check that is the difficult territory, seeing things for what it really is, without adding or subtracting things, being unbiased, for example, if I had got just 40 in Hindi, my mom would have ranted on and on about how much Iam abusing the good life she has given me and not studying which is the only expectation she has, and my dad would have praised me non-stop for managing to pass in such a difficult subject, my parents are definitely at the opposite ends of the spectrum, and luckily it works for them.

But the reality of most relationship is there are no knight in shining armours and there is no out and out Bitch. We project the person based on certain experiences until we become so suffocated with these notions and assumptions, that we go blind.

Knock knock for a reality check before its too late.

One day at a time

2011-04-08T20:57:00.003+05:30

There are so many thoughts running amuck in my head, its getting harder and harder to take a snap shot of a moment and make it my own, the biggest question would be what next, where next. The sad little story of a nobody, with everything to loose.

There are noises in my life, the noise of the kid playing outside my window with her parents in the evening, the noise of the fan, the noise of the television, and above all the noise of an emptiness, the stillness that embraces me with her cold fingers, licking the last lashes of fire within me.

Drunk in the headiness of youth, I fondly watched the darkness of loneliness creeping around me, the last single girl, and now that Iam completely entrenched in the darkness, i wish to see a speck of light. But alas the scars on the face heals faster then the scar on the heart.

Never here, never there, and nowhere much to go.

She looked around, awakened from her musing, she loved the old trees, the way they smell, the way the sun hides beneath the clouds, she sighed, time for her to get back home, she lived in mortal fear of everything especially people. People are weird they take you and then they try to change you, and just when you accept that something is wrong with you and decide to change they drop you like a hot rod.

She started walking back home from the park, she felt like a thousand years old, slouched from the mere exhaustion of living, weighed down by the decisions she made and the people she hurt. Wish she had the courage to say sorry, but its easier to hide here. And hence another day passes by.

just a thought...

2010-11-12T15:25:00.001+05:30

Can people get so depressed that their hands becomes phantom hands, and end up strangling themselves.

What happens if it stops raining

2010-10-14T16:39:00.005+05:30

Everytime it rains outside, i feel my heart's pangs to go to the terrace and get drenched in the rain, but i have never done that till this very day. The moment I think about going out, the first question that rises in my head is, "What happens if it stops raining by the time i go out", the mind block sets in and i never set out.
Well today, I let my mind take a backseat, I reached before the rain stopped, I had my hearts fill walking in the small puddle on the concrete floor, the rain drops tangoed with the silver surface, disturbing it, breaking it into wild ripples. It felt divine to close my eyes and lift my face up to the sky, and let the rain drops plant a hundred kisses.
It was so peaceful and calm.

And I also found out what happens when the rain stops, its beautiful, the white puffy clouds creeps out of the gray, the green leaves and white buildings glisten in the aftermath.

Blue

2010-10-13T09:07:00.000+05:30

He looked exasperated, he bellowed, "whats wrong with you?".
She looked at him, but he dint feel her eyes on him, they were vacant and vague, she said, "Iam a square and you are a tetrahedron, you have too many side and too many sharp edges, and most of them are always pointing at me accusingly."
He looked irritated,"wat the hell are u talking about" he said in disgust.
She wanted to lapse into silence, the sweet silence of the everlasting night where she dint have to explain. She looked up at him, and vaguely remembered him from another life.
She felt hungry, she was starving, she looked up at him again, she wanted him to leave, she wanted food, its almost an hour since she last ate, removing all those mirrors helped, now she doesnt have to look at herself anymore. People have told her she has changed, her eyes dont shine anymore, she looks too fat, her hair is receding, but as he always used to say,"people dont matter honey". Time does something to you, the arrogance with which we enter life is replaced with the humility of loosing too many battles against it.
There was something in his eyes, akin to kindness, she looked away, why does he have to come back? she wanted to forget, somewhere thru her muddled senses, came his voice breaking the silence, "arent you talking to me?", was he feeling hurt?
She wanted to say something, but her head felt like a dog chasing its tail, they always started and ended in the same place, inspite of his kindness, inspite of her commitment and inspite of their love.
She blurted out, "Past is an addictive bitch, she feed us with her poison in every step we take, tearing away from her is impossible", she could feel the tears pushing against her eyes, but then her tears had lost its meaning years back, it was used too many times in vain, now it was a mere reminder of womanly vanity.
She felt the hours stretch in front of her, when he leaves she would be alone. Pages from the same book, but when put next to each other, out of context.

Copenhagen

2010-10-12T13:57:00.000+05:30

Copenhagen
The best play i have seen so far.

Wats cooking

2010-08-23T23:59:00.001+05:30

Time - 11:57 PM
Right now, veg tofu Biriyani and iam not even hungry anymore.... beat that!!!

Alice in wonderland wondered with malice, "why O why am I fat?"... :P

Waves

2010-08-17T19:03:00.001+05:30

Had gone to Chennai for the weekend, the best part of my entire trip as usual was the beach, there is something about the waves that never fails you.

They start as small white froths amidst the endless blue grey, and move towards you conjoining and whispering to each other, playfully pushing and pulling, tugging around to reach the shore faster. In seconds, the white froth grows to a white wall of shear magnificence and rush towards the shore with child like enthusiasm, to wipe away the traces of inelegant doodles scrolled by mankind.

It touches you and tries to take you along to show the beauty its hiding within the dull grey-blue but we stay put on the shore, to watch it try again.

The real Catch 22

2010-08-17T13:13:00.000+05:30

For the past four years I have been following the thoughts of a bunch of vegetarian propagandist, and my attitude has shifted from admiration to contempt.

LEATHER
Using leather alternatives is equally harmful to the environment, as these alternatives usually use plastics which are derived from petrochemicals, or fabrics like cotton whose production often involves the use of chemical pesticides and fertilizers. Evaluating the relative environmental and health costs of leather versus non-leather products is difficult to do.

SILK
Cultivation of the mulberry trees requires far fewer chemical fertilizers and pesticides than conventional cotton, since the worms are very sensitive to these chemicals. Waste water from degumming the fibers is a minor pollutant. Overall it’s relatively eco-friendly, but that’s not including the dyeing, printing, and post-processing methods that have varying degrees of environmental impact.

Most linen products are made of the natural fibers such as cotton or the man-made fibers like polyester. However, the methods used to process both cotton and polyester pose a threat to humans and the environment. Cotton-based linens may be bleached with chlorine using a process that releases the cancer-causing agent dioxin into the atmosphere. Cotton textiles are also chemically treated with finishes that contain formaldehyde to reduce wrinkling Processing also allows formaldehyde fumes to be released into the air. Formaldehyde is known to cause watery eyes, runny noses, headaches, sore throats, fatigue, and respiratory ailments.

The environmental impact of polyester processing is no better. Linens made of or filled with polyester contribute to the depletion of petroleum, a non-renewable energy source. The production process also contributes to the consumption and ingestion of pollutants by humans and the release of pollutants into the environment.

VEGETARIANISM
Animal farming is bad, so is the plastic bags you buy your food in, or the fancy car coming from the big factory, the fridge in your house, your house itself is an environmental hazard.

SO WATS UP WITH THAT!!!!

Interesting Links:
Are Vegans Closed-Minded Hypocrites?

Reversed poles

2010-08-13T12:12:00.000+05:30

She looked wild, with all those things sticking to her head, he was startled when she exclaimed, "No! its not happening to me, how can it happen to me?", he looked at her with total abandonment, He wanted to say something comforting to her, but all he could muster was, "But you were the one obsessed with the idea". She gave him an accusing look, he looked away.
He thought of the day when he met her for the first time, she was perfect, her smile, her dead calm eyes, the slight tilt in her walk, from distance it looked as if she was walking on thin air, then she had to get that crazy idea, wish he had known then that it would tear them apart.
He looked at her, he wanted to help her pull away that darn thing sticking to her head, but he felt exhausted, they had again lapsed into silent thoughts.
He thought of the day, she said she can do it, at that time he thought it was a crazy idea, how he used to love her craziness, she had spent long nights researching and reading papers, reading until her dead calm eyes looked ready to pop out, he sighed inwardly he should have seen the signs.
Then she had started her experimentation, it all seemed in good spirit, till she started doing it to herself, it was her hand first, they had a good laugh over it, but then she should have stopped, he should have stopped her, but she withdrew deep into a shell where he couldnt reach her.
She coughed, that brought him back to today, there she was sitting, a completely reversed pole, her magnetised head dragging every metal on the way. He never thought she could do it, but she did it!

There is a problem here

2010-08-11T00:26:00.000+05:30

Just as much as i hate the auto drivers in Bangalore, i hate the spammers! cant i support a cause without being subjected to the spam-mania!!!

Incept Inspiration

2010-08-10T13:44:00.000+05:30

Iam baffled by the width and depth of things that inspires people, some get inspired by the rags to riches story, some get inspired by looking at the life of strangers who overcome their disability to live a fulfilling life, some by listening to wise men, some listen to nature and a whole paraphernalia of reasons and character traits crop up.

Is there a reason why we choose to get inspired by what we choose, the way i pictured this blog post this evening was very much different from what iam going to actually put down here, lately I had come across so many inspirational videos, articles, talks and the whole melange, that i wanted to take a cynical stand, and say "puff, there goes the weasels", but then something changed.

I got inspired too, I watched the movie "Aviator" this evening, Howard Hughes inspired me. In the last scene when the "monstrous airplane" soared in the sky, I was flying too, and when in the the very next frame he reverts to a paranoid obsesses, I understood. Thats something, to have a vision and being entrapped in the same, and yet not completely lost in the mazes in his head, it inspired me. The burden of a creative visionary.

I could challenge the entire world and say, "What Howard Hughes did was achievement, the rest is pop culture, all those pep talks aint helping anyone baby.", But instead iam going with, "Whatever works", there is a reason for you being who you are.

Floyd discovered me

2010-08-09T11:55:00.000+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f88NZ1sxWX0

Overhead the albatross hangs motionless upon the air...
And deep beneath the rolling waves...
In labyrinths of coral caves...
The echo of a distant tide...
Comes willowing across the sand...
And everything is green and submarine...

... the first 3mnts-7mnts is so beautiful and then 19mnts-20mnts, MAKES ME WANT TO CRY!!!

Pink Floyd is awesome...... but then again you need to be in a certain juncture in your life to fully appreciate it.

Raavan's Hypocrisy

2010-08-04T08:42:00.000+05:30

Watched Raavan recently, I had the same question, i have asked myself for so many years, "Why do women in Indian movies commit suicide when they get raped?", even the heroines face the same fate, not just the sisters/female-acquaintances/female-relatives etc., any women who gets raped in the movies always commits suicide to save her honor.
Why the hell? the guy gets beaten up, gets fucked in the rear, but still manages to get up the next day and wave to the adoring crowd, but the females, a slight frisk by a shit-head cop, she has to die of shame, and its because? I fucking have no clue!
When the fuck will they start making any sensible shit thats worth the 200bucks blown on PVRCinemas tickets?

The Bangaloooru Ride

2010-08-03T11:53:00.000+05:30

4years back when I moved to Bangalore, the "Great Indian Auto" was the only mode of transportation, I still remember my first day in Bangalore, my dad and I had got off the bus near Madivala Flyover and were looking for an auto, when we finally got one, the auto guy dint tell us how much, so we started bargaining, in TN, auto meters are unheard of. My first lesson in "Bangaloooru Ride" was Auto Meters is not a myth.

From then the first year was blissful, Infosys bus picked/dropped me right off my gate, autos were rarely sought, and it turned out quiet cheap, the minimum fare was 12bucks and additional 6rupees per kilometer, so for 3kms u would effectively pay 18rupees, +2rupees change which is never returned by any auto guy with self respect.

Then came my third job change. I live a mere 3kms from office, and autos were the easiest mode of transport, and hence began 3years of loath and hatred towards the whole community.

2years back the auto rates were hiked, the minimum was 14rupees and per kilometer 7rupees, effectively 21rupees, I havent still seen an auto that got that right, it was always around 24-27 and not a single one of them returned the change without cribbing, bunch of bastards. I have even seen auto meters which crossed 30bucks for 3kms. And everytime there was traffic in Bangalore roads, i was the one paying up 10bucks extra on meter.

Recently the prices have been hiked again, 17rupees minimum and 9rupee per kilometer. I have been taking the volvo bus for the past 2months and anytime i think of taking auto it sends jitters down my spine, all the bargaining and arguing with those snob, just ruins my day.

p.s.
And my 2cents on inflation.
1. Volvo bus ticket used to be 6bucks and now 10bucks.
2. A box of moong sprouts from spar used to 12.50 now 19.50.
3. Cadbury Silk used to 90 now its 110.
4. Cadbury Bournville used to be 75 and now its 85.

And yday i bought 7items in spar and the bill 750, its hard to find anything below 100bucks these days :( .... except my bank balance :P

A thought

2010-08-01T03:55:00.000+05:30

Love is the most perfect thing that can happen to a person. And iam lucky to have experienced both its beautiful and ugly face.
In every relationship, there comes a point when with one hand you are hacking away at its roots and with the other nourishing it with water, only time knows the winner.

entropy@mindville.in

2010-07-30T10:57:00.000+05:30

Came across, "entropy@mindville.in", its the title of a play. Made me wonder about the depth of those few words.

p.s. entropy - A measure of the disorder or randomness in a closed system.

Wonder about the power of mind to perceive such things about itself!

My concotsion

2010-07-28T15:21:00.000+05:30

2 spoons chocolate powder, a dash of coffee and milk :) ....

the final paint

2010-07-21T03:14:00.000+05:30

Step 1
Step 2

The paint->

And here is my first oil paint on canvas :) .... and ofcourse self taught.

p.s. will update the dried painting after a week :)

Dummies guide on "how not to buy a car"

2010-07-20T16:47:00.000+05:30

First and foremost India's automobile industry isn't about safety, so air bags and ABS are not for commoners, lets all crash and die!!! :P

1. Fix the upper limit, and STICK to it or you will get dragged up and down forever.
me: Lets stick to 5L
him: we need ABS, swift ABS is 5.6L
me: ok then 5.6L, lets take i20 Asta for a test drive, and i love it, lets make the limit 7L
him: then we can consider Volkswagen Polo, but with ABS we need to shell out 8L
me: that is too expensive...
START OVER!!!

2. Features, Features and more Features = Mileage, ABS, Power, Torque, Gears, Turning radius, Alloy wheels... Duh!
him: Let me explain how power works then you would understand why its important
in my head: #$@#%#%^@$^$#@!$#@%$%$#@%#$@#$@##$@#$#@!$
The features I understand are, backlit controls, steering mounted control, space, comfort, seats... its looks, looks and more looks!
START OVER!!! prioritize your features!!! Sadly, cant have them all in one.

3. Dont listen to dudes.
dude1: hey Nissan Micra is supposed to be sexy, why dont you guys wait till June.
Yes we waited and checked Nissan Micra, looks awesome, priced above our budget, and is underpowered.
dude2: Why dont u guys wait for Toyota Etios, its supposed to be super awesome!
DUH!!!!

4. Dont take it for a test drive, and if they do, dont sit in the car!
dude: until 2000rpm, not much power is transmitted, but after that, u feel the power
him: oh, dude tats bad!
in my head: #$#@$#!$#%$%#%!%$#^%^$%#@$!@$#@!#$@#%$#@%$@#$!@
me: wow check out the awesome interior
everyone: *blank look*

5. Learn driving
Either learn driving and then buy a car, or look up carwale on the Internet and buy a car, dont get too many opinions when you dont understand the crap anyways.

6. Open the hood
I have been visiting so many car show rooms, but anytime i say i want to look under the hood, i get the "you are a duffer look"... atleast i want to check how the wiring looks, for fun!
Wont help in making your decision anyways, duffer!!!

7. Listen to him
him: I think Swift VXi with ABS is the best option
me: *sad face*, cant we just check Nissan Micra, Hyundai i10, Hyundai i20, Fiat Punto, Ford Figo, Volkswagen Polo, Skoda Fabia, Maruth Ritz, Honda jazz

*After 6months*
him: I think Swift VXi with ABS is still the best option

Iam really losing it this time

2010-07-13T22:23:00.001+05:30

Want to start a journey into the wild, the no man's land

2010-07-13T14:40:00.000+05:30

It is easier to get out when you are knee deep, but when you end up at the bottom of the pit, covered in muck, knocked unconscious, when you can hardly breath, you cannot move! I watch her walking in my shoes, looking the way i used to, talking the way i used to, but not the person i want to be.

Life is full of random coincidences and probably every decision you took could be reversed and still things wouldn't have been any better.There are the big words, "Dreams and Ambitions" and the smaller ones, "Love and Friendship" that keeps us going. And there are the taboo words, "Money and comfort", the perks that come in the journey, forever transient, but adding pleasant memories along the way.

But none of this can define a person. When in love we want to be defined thru the eyes of the one we love, but most of the time we see expectations, accusation and compromises. Its difficult to find the person we thought we were.
The dream we used to have, is scrutinized, analyzed and deemed selfish. And life starts to drift away and floating becomes the motive.

The elemental song... crib

2010-07-08T00:35:00.000+05:30

I wonder why evolution eventually took us on the most destructive path - LOVE. It doesnt make sense, all the pain and tears, adds up to nothing in the end.
Everytime i fight with my boyfriend its a breakup fight, its not a nice thing, looking at a dead-end at eleven in the night, all alone away from your parents and non-existant friends. And everytime i ask myself, why? why do u put urself in the same place again and again? why am i getting this wrong all the time? 3years and not a week has gone by without a "breakup" fight. Do i need this toll on my emotions? what happens to me and him as a person, everytime we put ourselves thru such emotional BS?
Being a recluse has so many advantages, why werent humans programmed to be recluse, they can contribute to the species growth thru a different system, why did we end up in this horrible melee of marriage, society, always someone on someone's back, expectations, love, all adding up to a whole lot of frustration.
People say, "A year down the lane, you might laugh at this", 3years down the lane and we have forgotten how to smile.

Sometimes i wonder what will happen if I cease to exist, whuff i go up in a puff, how will it affect people? will it really affect people? would i create a void that cannot be filled? will the balance of nature be tilted? cause and effect? Well, in earth's books, it would be a millisecond worth of dust a little too early.... * big sigh *

gud ole days

2010-06-10T11:30:00.000+05:30

I had a boy cut most of my life. Here goes a little story about one of my bday disaster.

I grew up with my brother, we dressed the same, went to the same places, the same school, were taken to the same barber and got the same haircut :P. Then one day, my dad decided that a barber shop is just too crude for a young lady, so the barber came home to give us a hair cut, this happened a couple of times. One fine day my mom who had been unassumingly watching the fiasco, wanted to replace the barber and become my official hair dresser. And what better day to start then the day before my birthday!

A little background, It was the month of June, School had reopened and i had just moved from Junior to Senior school, I was in 6th standard, around 40-50 new kids had joined my class. So most of the kids in school dint know me.

Fed up with the barber appointments, my parents had let me grow my hair for a while, enough to make a ponytail. The day before my birthday my mom decide to give me a cute little fringe hair cut, what a lovely intention, well until the execution began! A little chop here and a little chop there, chop-chop she went on-and-on, and emerged, THE IYER KUDUMBI, instead of giving me a fringe cut, she cleaned away the upper part of my head completely leaving half a inch of hair! what a disaster, I was rushed to the barber shop, but even he couldn't salvage the situation, the only thing he could do was complete the look, a boy cut even boys wud be ashamed off :P.

So the next day on my bday, I adorned my new clothes and went to school, During assembly I wasnt allowed to sit with my classmates by my seniors, they had seen me around for a week, but dint recognise me in the new avatar, they thought i was a new boy who has joined 6th standard. EMBARRASSING!!! :(

Well that was the last time i let my mom near my hair, my mom has been practicing hair-cutting on my sister, for the past 15years, she does a pretty good job. From time to time she bugs me that she can give me a better hair cut, then all those fancy saloon people i blow my money on, but never have I her experiment with me after that. No-no-no, i did rather trust ram-dulhari in some random shop then her... :D

Thoughts

2010-06-07T11:05:00.000+05:30

A wise man once told me, "Dont put your personal thoughts on the blog, its not for sale", its the hardest to resist while blogging, i have been so obsessed with my thoughts i haven't blogged about anything else till now.

yet another day

2010-06-06T00:50:00.000+05:30

Watched a thought provoking play today, "The Prophet and the Poet", based on the compilation of letters and articles exchanged between Mahatma Gandhi and Gurudev Rabindranath Tagore over 25 years.
Gandhi from the school of discipline, believes that with discipline of the mind and body anything can be achieved, while Tagore from the school of passion, believes that with passion and desire we attain a higher objective in life. These two ideologies are like the opposite sides of a coin, without one the other cannot exist, and yet they cannot seamlessly merge into one. How can desire exist when the mind is disciplined for the renunciation of all earthly pleasures?

After the play, walked home, Bangalore has such blissful evening weather, watched the sunset on my terrace, clicked this beautiful picture of the sunset from my phone,

Surviving ur vices

2010-06-05T01:49:00.000+05:30

I cant see the road iam walking on,
every step goes into the void,
no resonace to prove iam alive,
only innocense can undo the knot

dot day

2010-05-31T08:54:00.000+05:30

Days run fast,
while I murk thru the long hours,
minutes stretch and yawn,
I see the sands of time falling thru the hour glass,
the day is coming to the end,
but I let time flow thru my finger, without a grasp.

flustered colors running wild in my head

2010-05-23T13:42:00.000+05:30

Love is full of expectations,
Life is full of compromises,
and relationship is full of pain....

Let it be

2010-04-27T21:56:00.000+05:30

When I used to live in my previous apartment, the amount of negativity in me was exponential, I used to hate my flat-mate not that i feel any better about her now, but then i let that negativity get into the rest of my life, the smallest thing goes wrong, i used to get very angry and frustrated.

Controlling ones thought is so essential to becoming a better person. Its so easy to get into negativity loop, even now the slightest thing that upsets me, i keep going over it in my head, until i have exhausted all the possible ways to make myself extra miserable.

Some decisions are hard, though consciously I made the decision to go along with it, I still unconsciously hate it, example, I love being with my bfrnd, but i hate the idea that we aren't married, and it leads to one hell of a yo-yo game, a very confused state of mind, in which I cant let go and I cant let it be. And anytime i feel frustrated it all boil downs to, "Iam not married", when there are so many things that iam doing wrong, just one justification to all my shortcomings.

Eventually it all adds up, and over a period of time you start forming layers of negativity, nothing can please you, no one can help you, you are impatient, you are loud, and one day you realize you have lost yourself in those layers. What happened to that genuine person, who cared for others?

Iam a nervous presenter

2010-04-15T12:06:00.000+05:30

I have to give a tech talk on "Android Development Framework", been prepping for 2weeks, practiced a couple of times in front of the mirror, but when i had the dry-run yday, i felt like iam gonna pass out by the time it got over!!

Iam a super nervous presenter, i have been on the stage quiet a lot during college, but the entire equation seems to change in office. I had botched up an earlier talk on, "Game Development", i had prepared an awesome ppt, but instead of talking, kept reading from the slides, felt terrible at the end of it.

Dont want to do the same with this presentation too, the comment i got from my manager was, "People who dont know anything show so much confidence in presenting, when you know your stuff, why so nervous, show more confidence!!"

Convince me!

2010-04-11T22:28:00.001+05:30

Iam the only qualified person, with enough experience to write the book, "Ten thousand stupid things to say to your boy friend while fighting", for example, its a proven fact that every girl wants big fat fairytale wedding, while the guy wants a simple inexpensive wedding, now how does the girl convince the guy?
guy - Lets have simple quiet wedding, and invite close friends and relatives only.
girl - But i want a big wedding
guy - why do want to throw money, for a bunch of people who dont give a crap about you, they are there to gossip about the wedding later
*ofcourse he makes sense*
after some more blaah.... blaah.... blaah
girl - I know why u want a small wedding, so that people think you are not married!
guy - WTH!!!
Seriously, is that how u convince a guy, who wants to marry you ? if i were him i would pick up my bag and run...

The purpose of a fight is not to hurt the other person, but to make a point, if not a point atleast dont make a fool of yourself.

Numb

2010-04-11T02:38:00.000+05:30

Right now i feel brown, the dull earthy color that binds every one of us to our root eventually... Its a color that makes u numb, and eats away at your bones silently.

Life is a short journey, filled with conflicts and compromises at every corner. Growing up, i thought a great job and someone to hold my hands thru the journey is enuf, but now i wonder, why was i in a hurry to grow-up? not until this very day, have i associated growing up to a curse. Bruised ego is all thats left.

I stopped listening and thinking 3years back.... I was so much into resolving, convincing and talking myself into things, that i forgot to spare a minute to consider if iam actually convincing myself to do the right thing. I was selling myself to myself. And here iam wondering who the hell is this person i have become!

The Bond

2010-04-07T22:41:00.000+05:30

Feeling yellow today...

The storm has passed over,
the boat dint topple,
there is a lull in the sky as it turns russet yellow,
another day coming to an end,
everything is drenched in the lazy hue.

A cozy blanket envelops us all,
folding us in its curve and giving me a moment of rest.

strokes of life

2010-04-06T20:35:00.000+05:30

When I paint, i dont have the picture of what i want in the end, i let the brush take me to places and tell me its secret. How i wish life would tell me its secrets one stroke at a time, instead of chasing a big illusion, i can revel and grumble in the simple colors of life.

Right now iam feeling RED!
When do relationship start to choke you? it was yesterday when our boat was gently rocking towards the sunset, and today there is a storm when least expected, emotions are stomped, anger ignites the air and before you know we have hoisted our EGO sky high and rowing at the opposite ends of the boat.

Its so hard to understand the flesh, blood and pounding ego standing in front of you, demanding his due....

* the picture is of a flower called bleeding heart.

The frying pan that started it all....

2010-04-05T12:40:00.000+05:30

Some years back, my mom got a small frying pan as a complimentary gift, she never used it, she said it was too small for cooking. Well, i always thought it looked cute and felt bad that my mom never used it, so when i was packing to move to Bangalore, in with the plates and spoons went the frying pan, my first ever kitchen item.
The first house i stayed in blore was a fully furnished 3bhk, and it had a stove! i was clueless how to switch on a stove, back home had an automatic stove, so the lighter business seemed very annoying and RISKY!! simultaneously turning on the stove and the lighter seemed like rocket science.
The first few weeks of eating out constantly was fun, but then you cant eat out forever, so started cooking Maggie at home in the little frying pan, all of a sudden it was anytime and everytime Maggie time, and boy did i start looking a little pudgy!!!
After taking one good long at the fat me, i decided to COOK!!! began with setting up a rudimentary kitchen, i had more fun buying the thousands of small box for each type of Masala rather then doing the actual cooking. Did lots of experiment, Maggie widh cheese and onion, then weird sandwiches, then came the pressure cooker, and i learnt to make rice, then came a brand new non-stick frying pan, and dosa pan. And then came the era of the cauliflower, soon followed by the era of Dominoes/PizzaHut, which led to the era of i cant cook and want pizza all the time, which has resulted in a very pudgy-fied me!!!
2years of cooking and the only thing Ravi ever appreciated was my Carrot Halwa. I had given up on cooking, but things changed when i moved into my new place,hola i had found a most appreciative crowd for my cooking prowess.
My Sambhar, Manga Pachadi, Egg curry, Mushroom curry, Chinese stir fried Vegetable, Pasta in White sauce, Mushroom Crostini, babycorn and cauliflower bajji, chilli chocolate milkshake are almost legendary :) and even Ravi thinks iam a "OK" cook, in regular people's language it means iam awesome!!!
And i always use my little frying pan, to serve food, though its not much use for cooking anything other then maggie, its looks too good on the table any day.

Ingrained

2010-03-31T14:27:00.000+05:30

This is my favorite painting right now!

Lots of people have issue interpreting what my paintings convey. I believe the essence of creativity is to create a enigma that is open for interpretation, in a world of infinite possibilities, why constraint yourself to making a copy of something that is already there, what new meaning can come to your life out of it? Every work of creativity should hold a unique meaning to every individual, who spends time understanding it.

What does this painting mean to me, i wanted to capture the essence of the world that is waiting for us when we step out of the mothers womb, the fire depicted by orange makes us burn with desire and the water depicted by blue washes away our ashen-ambitions.

The mother's womb protects us from the talons of fire and water, giving us the moment of silence, before we are torn apart by them and returned to the earth(mud) we are made of.

Ingrained in our birth is our death...

Mermaidism

2010-03-03T09:57:00.000+05:30

I love the waters, and swimming just made it twice the fun. I assumed i would never learn swimming, but then one dull Saturday morning, changed it all. I was calling a Gym near my place, to find out about their Aerobics session, when my room-mate suggested that we should go for swimming in the pool nearby, turns out nearby is 5-6kms.

So we hauled our lazy asses into an auto and went shopping, sometimes Iam awed by the power of the universe to pull all the right triggers at one shot! finding my perfect swim-wear in speedo at an awesome discount, made my swimming initiative an actual possibility, within minutes. In 4hours i was afloat.

When i used to gym it was a pain to wake up at 6.30 and be there by 7.00, the first thing i did after getting there, was check my weight and then feel pissed off for the rest of the day, weight is and was a fight between the plus or minus two. But since i started swimming, i haven't checked my weight and i wake up at 5.15 without cribbing. I'am having fun.

I was never comfortable with cold water, and getting into ice cold water at 6.00 in the morning is exhilarating and a PITA, when I'am out I don't want to get in, and when I'am in the water I don't want to get out.

Today, after 4days of classes, i have learnt to float on my back, it was uber romantic, watching the sky thru the small gaps in the roof* and feeling secure in the water for the first time in life.

Some of the thoughts that crossed my mind during and after classes were, was I floating like this in my mother's womb, How did nature come up with such a beautiful solution to float the baby? We are a part of nature and yet we don't feel like we have accomplished anything, why do we see ourselves as a product of nature rather than a part of it? Why would u want to run with a machine in the gym, while you can run with the trees and birds chirping around?

By the way iam all ga-ga about swimming, caz this is the first physical activity that Iam good at, when I was in school, i couldn't even march and in gym I was sure, I would eventually end up with a stress induced fractures, i couldn't do a single exercise right. Well tats the two physical activity i have done in the depth and breath of my short life.

I recommend swimming for everyone born with two left foot and undefined grace :D

*I go to swimming pool with a roof, not much of a view outside.

Lost my patience

2010-02-28T12:07:00.000+05:30

Two months back, i was heartily devouring anything that was in print. And now after i got the Internet connection, not even a Micheal Crichton, could catch my imagination. :(

I finished books like "Hundred years of solitude" within a week, without breaking a sweat, and now i cant read for more than half an hour a week. SAD!!!

Shopping As Exercise?

2010-02-28T11:40:00.000+05:30

It Burns 48,000 Calories A Year!!!

Well if this were true, i should be size zero!! :D .... But then they dint count the calories gained in the endless bottles of coke that keeps me on my foot, on a hot sunny blore afternoon... and the snacks inbetween in the name of food.

Paradox

2010-02-16T21:05:00.001+05:30

When I look at you, I know you are meant for me,

When I talk to you, I know you are meant for me,

When you smile at me, I know you are meant for me,

But when I sit back and think,

I wonder why God screwed my happiness,

I like chicken on the plate, while you like it running around alive!

You like to be with people, while I like to be with books,

You can touch your foot standing, I can barely reach my knee,

You like outdoors, I love indoors of a shopping mall,

We have nothing in common,

But still God meant you for me,

Why me!!!

Loosing my Religion

2010-02-15T01:10:00.000+05:30

Iam seeing a kannadiga for the past 3years, this evening wen i met his friends for dinner, something disgusting happened. They are a married couple, and they kept going on and on in Kannda, and my bfrnd was happy to oblige them with replies in Kannada. I was left out of the conversation, except for snide remarks passed at me, that i should learn Kannada soon.

Now, why would anyone put up with that bullshit? Love doesnt conquer all, it barely covers polite dinner conversations...

The moment you fall in love is the most precious, when that passes, we are left with an empty mould called dream, into which we cram, stuff and shovel this person to fit in. Meticulously my bfrnd has been trying to stuff me into the Kannada-Brahm mould, and I have been trying to cram him into a Cash-Machine mould.

Sometimes its suffocating and sometimes exhilarating, but is there a way out? I might have found a cash-machine, but would he be goofy and smart?

I have read so many Mills&Boons over the years, its hard to believe that love in real life, doesnt happen when ur falling off a tree or walking on the street. It happens when you know a person for years, and still manage to hate him for a FULL minute :). And then it all comes rushing back to your head, why you wanted to hold his hand in the first place, the moments u keep falling in love again and again.

Infinitum

2010-02-03T11:28:00.000+05:30

Why are your eyes puffy?
Had an allergic reaction to my bfrnd....

And it goes on, :)

Signature

2010-01-29T11:46:00.000+05:30

Was watching a movie on HBO, and it looked vaguely familiar, when the ad break came, found out , the name of the movie was "Love in the Time of Cholera".... I haven't read the book, and dont know about the author either!!!

But then after watching the movie for another half-an-hour it hit me, Gabriel García Márquez, the author of "One Hundred Years of Solitude", the gypsies, the south-americans, the women and the men! He def has his unique signature sprawled all over the movie!! And its not even the book that i had read... talk about making your mark!!!

Spect-a-wesome

2010-01-18T13:34:00.001+05:30

The first time I heard of a Solar eclipse was in 7th grade, I took off at school to stay home, the windows were draped in bed-sheets, and we were forbidden to eat while the eclipse was taking place. As soon as the eclipse was over, the house was washed, we had our ganga-snanam followed by pooja.
The second eclipse I remember hppnd when i was in 11th grade, i was travelling to Bangalore for the first time with school-mates, the train was arnd 6:00p.m. and the eclipse was arnd 5.45p.m., i was given strict instruction by mommy-dear not to look up at the sky no matter wat. And i was dead scared traveling that day.
And the present, no drapes, food at all time, and I saw the eclipse caz my mom insisted on seeing it. We started our must-watch-eclipse investigation at arnd 11.00a.m., we were bored of watching the picture perfect eclipse telecast on TV, we tried reflection on mirror, then we tried see thru glass stuff, and finally my mom came up with the photo negatives and i came up with the goggles. We pasted 4negatives on the goggles and bingo we had to clean view of the eclipse*.

* And iam not blind :D
p.s.2. The full ring formation did not happen in Vellore, after 3/4th of the ring was formed the moon started retreating. There was a brief moment of chill and reduced illumination when the sun was almost covered, the birds started fluttering and dogs barked. It was awesome!!!

Empty

2010-01-02T01:06:00.000+05:30

1st, January 2010, i wonder if anyone's life can be as shitty as mine. Now i know wat people mean when they say money cant give you happiness, the catch nothing can give you happiness.

When people fall, get beaten up, they eventually get up, but sometimes you lie down there and wish u can sleep forever, never get up, never face another day.

I have no clue when i started messing up things so badly, now its a living hell, with everyone threatening me, everyone giving me their own version of, "I care for you, but if u care for me, you would do what i say, Iam thinking of your well being alone". And everytime they do that to me, I loose a little bit of myself, get a little immunity, build a wall arnd me and hide inside. Eventually the wall has become so thick, i cant find myself inside, its getting emptier and emptier in here...

2010

2010-01-01T01:23:00.000+05:30

A brand new year just for me, to build up my hopes and expectations, only to see it end in a little puff of smoke, and yet another will come!

Glorious.....

2009 in a nutshell

2009-12-22T10:50:00.000+05:30

Something is when there is nothing.... but nothing cannot lead to something, but something sometimes leads to nothing.....

Nothing is what we have, and something is what we all aspire to have!!!

Dejavu

2009-12-21T11:31:00.000+05:30

If you loved Avatar, you would love Atlantis: The lost Empire too.

I dont do movie reviews, but here is my 2cents on Avatar, i loved it, i loved it and i loved it!!!

Are dreams influenced?

2009-12-09T14:21:00.000+05:30

This morning i had a dream, that almost felt like Iam watching a movie. First the dream.
The girl, she is confused scared and has issue with accepting the existence of God. And plop she is in a medieval setup, there are mountains with huge chunks of gold sticking out of it, she is the first one to notice it, but she cant pick it. She is confused. its almost like a school, wen everyone leaves, she decides to pick a chunk of gold. But then there are these gatekeepers who are checking everyone leaving the compound, so she has to leave the gold chunk back.
Now the guy, he comes out of nowhere, he is kinda dull. He is building this voodoo statue. Its a stick with huge rocks dropped on a pin, each rock is a type of precious stone.
Then there is the storm, the girl appears, she is trying to steal the gold, but something provokes the wrath of the gods, hence the storm. She is now a witch, the voodoo doll that the guy built is all wrong, the stick is not straight, hence the magic failed. The girl starts using her witch power to fix it.... Then the alarm goes on!!!
Now the analyses.
Book Iam Reading - Anne Frank's Diary, the girl is strong, the guy is lame. And atheism, must be something to do with my diary that i used to write when i was 15. Lately I have been thinking of all the years spent writing diary. Thinking of starting again from 2010.
Current Obsession - Age of Empire, hence the gold digging and the medieval setting.

Turning....

2009-12-07T10:35:00.000+05:30

I dreamt that i proposed to you. It was like falling off the cliff.
I was driving and u were there next to me, smiling as always. I was telling you about how i feel, and i could see the cliff approaching, u werent interested in the cliff, u kept urging me to talk. And then i kept driving and we fell off the cliff, but miraculously we reached the bottom and drove on, nothing had changed. Then i knew i trusted you. And then it was gone. Just a dream.

Ramblings

2009-12-02T09:49:00.000+05:30

I dont get Mozart, the music rises and falls, sometimes it makes me sad and sometimes it makes me happy, but i dont get it.
Wore Saree to office yday, its weird people should ask me, "why Saree", my mom wears it everyday, why cant i wear it just one day to offcie when there is no occasion.
Iam totally proud of my sister, she solved the rubik cube puzzle within 3mnts, well she did it by breaking apart the pieces and then putting it back together, which makes me double proud of her.
Been thinking, how i can like someone one day and then totally hate the person the very next day, weird, but there are very few people i have totally forgiven in life, once a friendship is broken in my little world it can never be forged together.

Then i have been thinking about butterfly effect, a flap of a butterfly wing screwing up the weather system in the other side of the world. What about the thought in your head, can a thought in your head make a difference to the world, until its put forth in a physical action?

If i get a penny everytime i frown, i might save enuf for the Botox that i would desperately need in the future to fix all those frown lines.

And what about all these blogs you find on the net, a guy picks a link, adds his 2cents and its a blog? so much of redundancy going around with all these re-linking and useful-pointers... and what the hell, there is so much information out there on the net, and i still cant do a complete day timepass in office without getting super bored.

Been having loads of fun lately, been to Mysore, Shivasamudra, but then i just cant keep my mouth shut.... seriously!! iam going to be in trouble for talking too much!

Moved to a new project in office, change is good, but not this one... :D

Despair!

2009-11-19T09:19:00.000+05:30

One thing i like about cooking everyday is that i can give food to my maid. Though, Iam the last person you would find donating money for a flood relief fund(12.5%vat+10%service-charges, and the loosers want us to give flood relief fund too... huh!), i like helping people who really want to make a difference.

My maid, Pattama got married when she was 18, had a son, lost her husband within a year of her marriage, and now is 55, a survivor. She most probably earns around 5k per month, doing house work, doesnt take a penny from her only son, on the contrary she sends him money. She worries about her grandkids not being sent to school, and complains about her daughter in law, who is a complete moron.

One thing that stupifies me, is the over-dosage of paternal instinct in mankind, animals have their maternal instint too, but it wears off within months. But humans, no matter how bad the world treats them, they end up fighting for the one scrawny little offspring of theirs.

Recently i visited a bird sanctuary, seriously what the hell do the crocs and Storkes do, they sit around all day, hunt once a week and then nothing. A lifelong holiday in the wilderness. And look at us, we walk, talk, jump, irritate, think, fret, care, complain and all for what? We cant sit idle for an hour, but still believe our lives amount to nothing.

I believe mankind got screwed when they decided to become good parents. Care led to share, share led to compare and compare led to despair!!!!

Stumble

2009-11-18T08:44:00.000+05:30

Welcome to the Indian-corporate meet the stuck-ups and the what-ever-works, and if you are lucky you might just find a regular-joe, hiding under the ladder.

The other day we had this discussion about people taking vacation, in Nokia Finland, a guy can take a month off, offload his work to someother guy and be sure that he will not be disturbed during his vacation. In India, there is a pre-vacation period, when you are too excited about the vacation to work, then the post-vacation period when you are still in the holiday mood to work, and the vacation period in which you actually work, and forget the offloading part, loosing jobs to Indians is not an American problem its the bigger-Indian problem, if one American can be replaced by three indians in a day, then one Indian can be replaced by a fresher* in a jiffy. So here we are trying to survive, we can take vacations but should be available at all times.

The biggest difficulty most of us face is how to say "NO!" without sounding insincere or rude. We are so used to saying "Yes!" all our lives, its sometime impossible to stand up and say, "NO!" and feel secure about it. Its like playing hangman, everytime you say, "No!", you feel that you are one step closer to the end.

When i was a green-eyed monster, my ugly-dream was NOT to become yet-another-cog in yet-another-huge machine, but now my prayers are to be the ugly little cog, that cracks louder and ultimately doesn't get run over by the machine.

You learn, then re-learn and then again re-learn and then wish you had never changed to begin with.

* the half-baked green-eyed monster with big ugly dreams, churned out by the engineering colleges

Random Muzik

2009-11-16T09:36:00.000+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXu3WafBt6I&NR=1&feature=fvwp - By Joshua Radin, liked the lyrics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrPKiCCo4Mo - Secondhand Serenade, listened to them on the radio today, love the vocals

Just in case the world ends in 2012

2009-11-11T15:45:00.000+05:30

The more i think about it, the more iam convinced that the world is ending in 2012. No matter how hard we try to save it, this is it, Zilch, games up. so here is my bucket list

1. Have a meaningful relationship with a phirangiinii (ahhhh the paradox).
2. Learn acting and act in a play.
3. Make wine at home.
4. Get stoned.
5. Get super stoned.
6. Get super super stoned. And design clothes.
7. Learn to play drums and join a rock band.
8. Come up with a million dollar idea to destroy the earth faster.
9. Learn swimming, just in case if the world decides to drown itself, i can swim to mars
10. Fly an aeroplane. And Understand the meaning of life.

I'M IMPRESSED

2009-11-02T10:38:00.000+05:30

Fabric painting and Idea by ME!!!
p.s. The Hand Impression is mine, hence the Tshirt is impressed by me :D .... get it!!!!

Total Sum

2009-10-30T10:35:00.000+05:30

No one gets the perfect deal, except say Pringles, they are diced, salted and stacked exactly like the one next to it.

Married people want kids, people with kids want car, people with cars want Bungalows, people with Bungalows want vacation property in Hawaii, and i want to own a private island. We compare, try to dice ourselves, try salt ourselves, and still we are never like the guy next door. Why even try?

The total sum of the world never changes, there is a looser and there is a winner but the sum doesnt change, everytime you make 10bucks, there is some guy somewhere loosing 10bucks. But what if i banish myself to a private island, and decide not to trade with the world, i grow my own food, spin my clothes and become a recluse. Iam not making 10bucks, so someone is not going to loose his 10bucks, am i making someone rich by not making money? or will the world find a way to pluck the 10buck from the poor bugger inspite of me.

Everytime i see the body stack around me, everyone "seems" to have a better deal then me? Life is a game of poker, everybody puts up a great show, inspite of what they are dealt. And why should i be any different?

Back to the future

2009-09-30T15:42:00.000+05:30

Yday was a nostalgia drive back to the place I had spent 3 years, and returning back I felt nothing had changed, except me. For starters, spencer plaza looked like an old crumbling building rather then the most happening place in Chennai. And only two major retailers :O, in a mall, that I assumed was India’s biggest, even pizza hut dint taste right.

In Chennai the auto meters are unheard off, and 150rupees has no value in auto language, I took an auto from Mount Road to T-Nagar for 60bucks, but then that was caz my bro had warned me, otherwise after asking those four or five autos I would have thought 150 was the norm.

And then T-nagar, it managed to put off a hardnosed shopaholic like me, I was planning on going to Pothys, but then even pothy’s was overflowing with Diwali shoppers. Damn all the money I would have saved if I was in Chennai, sri-shopping=fortunate.

City center was a surprise, but then the food court was terrible.

Not everything was stale, the beach was awesome as always. My sister, after playing in the waves for a while, was wondering aloud, how big and forceful Tsunami waves would have been, but then stopped when mom asked her to shut up. Well after that sis dear maintained a respectful distant from the big waves. And what are the odds this(Tsunami hits Samoas) hppnd this morning. Life is a million chances.

Dinner was in Green Park, Vadapalani, treat from bro, inferences

1. My mom is an awesome cook

2. Chennai folks have a terrible dressing sense

Before you start screaming, here is the thing, I was in Chennai for 3years, before moving to blore, and I have been to the right places, and seen lots of people. The best the girls can do is Westside kurtas and terrible fitting jeans. And the guys, god knows what they wear. Back then when I couldn’t afford a Westside Kurta I thought they rocked, but now that I know what money can buy, I would prefer a W-kurta or atleast something which isn’t worn by the whole college. Gosh I saw lots of them wearing full length skirts in crushed material, and horrendously weird T-shirts. Chennai definitely makes you feel at home, if you dint know about cothes, food or mad-spending.

Thanks to blore, iam not wearing the same Westside kurta, that every so-called-happening third person is wearing in Chennai. But thanks to blore iam living on my credit card :(

The blues....

2009-09-22T09:39:00.000+05:30

My perfect day would be get up and start walking to the closest mall, and keep walking until i find that perfect jean and that rare book that is going to make reality tolerable. And strictly no food inbetween the walks.

Spent the better part of Sunday walking in Landmark. The philosophy section was cluttered with Paulo Coelho, give me a break Mario Puzo has more philosophy in any given page then Paulo Coelho in a full book. I for unknown reason whole heartedly hate Paulo Coelho.

Flipped thru some of the works by indian writers, do they have to be so brooding and pessimistic.

Dan Brown's new book is out, paperback was not available, somehow the prospect of reading a Dan Brown scares me, what will happen if i dont like it? I have run out Micheal Crichton, Mario Puzo and James A. Michener, now if Dan brown spins the same tale on a different wand, i might stop reading fictions altogether, there is nothing more to look forward in that department...

I think writers from the 80's are simply grand, Take the instance of Dan Brown, he spins the same story in 10 different flavours, been reading Orhan Pamuk's Snow for almost a year, its so deary and dull that i cannot stick to it for more than 2hours, then "Vernon God little", "Theft a love story", all prize winners, were awesome, but it makes you a pshycho too.

Bought a old faithful, Joseph Heller's No Laughing matter, started reading on Monday morning, finished on Monday evening and content about the 300bucks well spent.

Lately i have been scared that iam running out of options, i dont find books that iam dying to read anymore, recently picked up D.H.Lawrence's Women in Love, wat a waste of paper.

In music department its even worse, i have listened to the all the manifestation of rock, except the heavy-heavy-metal and iam running out of bands to listen to... Right now, my top three favourites are...
1. Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven
2. Eagles - Hotel California
3. Beatles - While My Guitar Gently Weeps
And obviously no other song can compete with them, thats the problem, the higher you raise the standard, the more vacant the slot becomes.

simblyyy awesome

2009-09-17T15:20:00.001+05:30

The best thing that hppnd to me....

2009-09-17T15:16:00.000+05:30

And they sighed!

2009-09-14T11:14:00.000+05:30

Juliet: why the hell did you do this?
Romeo: I want to be a tractor.
Juliet: what the fuck are u talking about
Priest: shhhh! children of god, shall not swear in his house *echoes*
Romeo: shhhhh....
Juliet: father, romeo has failed me, in this house of god, i ask u to marry me
Priest: *flustered*
Romeo: i still cant become a tractor, father can you oil my... *lost in thoughts*
Juliet: *looking desperate*, what did i do
Priest: Child do not fret, you beeping fed him crap, what do you expect a BMW?
Juliet: But father, i was asking about you and me
Romeo: Juliet is that you, *blinks at her*, JULIET! u dumb biyatch, how come you never guessed i was color blind?
Priest: Whatever
Juliet: I thought you were deaf
Romeo: I couldnt hear you caz i was lost in the thoughts of your buxom bosom reaching your paunch.
Juliet: Romeo!
Priest: Children
Juliet: *sighs* stop childern-ing me, i just proposed to you, halfwit.
Romeo: Jules, oh my old jules, your shear desperation hath always held me in thralls, but i still cant find the throttle in my tractor.
Juliet: Why romoe, i have always admired your perpendicular thoughts, in sync, yet in so many angles.
Priest: Children, i can see the old spark shining in your eyes.
Romoe: Dude who fed you that transformer shit, i just want to be a regular tractor
Juliet: Romeo remember those old days, when i used to be a maruthi800 and u were a honda-civic, has god no mercy, i dint even ask for a Mercedes benz
Romoe: *sighs* hath not a scorned women's desperation know no bounds. Father find me my ignition button.
Priest: *sighs*, it grieves me to see you two part thus
Juliet: Romeo, do u need another tractor for your farm
Romoe: oh yes juliet, i love thee so true. Now we can see eye to eye, of the same kind we will become.
Juliet: No halfwit, i was talking about the priest, take him with you. Iam going to start my own cult, to exterminate all the tractors.

And hence proved...

The curse of the E!

2009-09-02T10:16:00.000+05:30

I have been watching him for sometime now, he doesn't have a method to his madness. He couldn't quite understand what i was telling him, "listen, you have to go back, things are different now". He kept staring at the floor, i spoke again, "go back, this isnt the place for you".

Its her, its her voice, its her eyes, but yet they arent the same.

Why doesn't he understand, no one can be blamed. Why cant he let the past be? i dont want him here. I tried talking to him again, "I have moved on, it was the only way forward, i was lonely and u weren't there for me".

Its her, but she is not smiling.

There is no trace of the brutal indifference, no trace of the unending-irritation, no trace of the frustration, just an empty shell. He used to be fun, always competing with himself, never content but always trying. When did it turn ugly? when did self-appraisal become self-critical? so many small latches clicking in our heads. I was talking, but he wasnt listening, just like old times. All those ugly fights. All those lonely nights crying. I moved on. I said, "iam leaving"

Its her, she is turning away.

I wanted to take one last look at him, his shoulders were drooping, what has he done to himself, wish i could reach out and shake him out of his misery, but I have moved on. He still hasnt spoken a word, I looked into his eyes, there were unsaid tears glistening to be heard of. But this is were i get off, he has to confront the ghost of his past on his own. I left.

I screamed, "Dont go", but she left. I howled, "Take me with you", but she dint even turn around. Why did she go so far away? I screamed, "Come back to me", but my voice bounced of in the unending emptiness she left behind.

I closed my eyes, I wish she had smiled.
her: i thought we are not going to be that way
me: wat?
her: *flustered* we agreed that we will always be straight forward with each other.
me: yes we did
her: *angry* but you never tell me anything
And you stupid little vixen, you dint tell me when u bought those sleeping tablets. Why did you have to leave?

Some blunder thru many unfortunate relationships, some hold their fort together for the one, and some are stuck in the deadly vortex of love-hate. Its so confounding dark, i believe men were cursed when god gave them emotions.

Why cant it be a simple F&F?

unrelated p.s. Everybody is wired wrong. Evolutions short-circuited our nesting instincts and cross-coupled it with our egos. The need to be heard and seen is so strong that love has become a political issue!

The curse of the distant specks!

2009-08-18T09:44:00.000+05:30

I hate being photographed, i swear by all the physics i learnt in school.

The secret seven wouldnt agree on that, a scenery picture without the pepy-sarkar, natural-akula and me-me-sri is never complete. We barge into every photo clicked, why not, the falls and the trees are going to be there forever, but not us.

Anyways lets go to the beginning, there are some black and white photos of me, when i was a year old, then one bad print picture of me, when i was 3years. then blank, some 12years of life undocumented, dang! what were my parents thinking, how come they dint have the psychotic urge to take 5 same location picture, hoping atleast one would become an orkut-moment :)

After that, 12th, one or two farewell pics here and there, and school was over. Then came college, 6years of unrecorded life, dang i went all the way to ooty in BCA final year and i dont have a single photo from the trip, yes sir! its me! Then MCA in chennai, a couple of pics taken during midnight bday celebration and more farewells, never bothered making an extra print for myself.

And then... ORKUT happened! The curse of the distant specks!

All of a sudden, you know wat everyone is upto, everyone seems to be documenting their life in orkut/facebook/linkedin/Picasa... long lost and well forgotten faces, scrap you on your bday... Its weird, its unnecessary, and its pissing off!

And then it grows on you, its not enuf that i have a good time, its important that all my distant-nonexistant-specks know that iam having a good time, photos/comments/links/blogs... The trip is not important the photos are...

Sooner or later we concentrate so much on the means that we forget the purpose. its sad, I would rather have one friend i can call anytime of the day and talk, then a 100-distant-nonexistant-specks to wish me on my bday.

Secret Seven - There is nothing secret about it

2009-08-10T10:18:00.000+05:30

When i had the friends, i dint have the money and when i had the money i dint have the friends. And finally for a brief moment in time, all three have met, money, friends and time, I dont know for how long this holy triangle of the secret-seven will last, but iam having fun.

Being a girl is tough, it takes a tard longer to get out of your shell. I was one of those, i dont talk to guys, i wont go out with them, iam this-that-and-not-that girl. Forever confused about the moral highs and lows, frozen in a spot. Now that the thaw has started, everything startles me, i have spent so much time pleasing the shadowss, i havent done anything about myself. Have i experienced enough of the world? have i been to a waterfall, have i been to a desert, have i felt snow under my foot, have i stood on a mountain, have i seen the moon set in the beach... what am i waiting for?

(August 8th)
How does it feel to stand on a dam?
A river that can wash out an entire village in minutes is standing quietly on one side, and on the other side is the livelihood of hundreds of farmers. When i stood on that dam, watching the sunset, i felt pride. Iam part of the past, the future and the present, the collective human effort that makes now.
And while watching the green waves break against itself in an effort to push further into the wild, i saw shimmering green tiled patterns and wondered what message has god encoded for mankind.

How does it feel to stand in front of a waterfall, and feel the waterdroplets from the falls condense on your face?
If it was my last day on earth, i would flow like the water into the gorge, break into a million pieces and disappear forever.

How does it feel like to listen to the river?
The gurgle, that completely shut downs every other noise. For a second there were no more noises in my head, it was clear, like that of a new born baby.

How does it feel to be in a group where everybody cares, but no-one belongs to anyone?
It felt like friends. :)

(August 1st)
How does it feel to believe that you wouldnt fall, though u were falling?
Wonderla, why do we do we what we do? free-falling-adrenaline-pumping? Being thrown towards the ground face down and my only protection a belt and a rod tightening me to the seat! IT WAS AWESOME! Cause I could scream my lungs out. Life is exactly the same, but we have no seat belts and we cant go down screaming :).

*Whispering* Our all philosophical smarty, freaked out-of-her-mind, when sent into the monster-house, being thrown face-down doesnt have as many surprises as waiting in a dark room waiting for the spooky tricks...

And Three cheers to the secret seven, let our exploits multiply :)

You dont mean a thing to me

2009-07-14T10:27:00.000+05:30

You know who is our biggest enemy since the day we met? us. I give you bullshit about you being too good for me, about you deserving someone better, i make myself miserable thinking of you with someone else, then comes your turn, you tell me about how rude you are to me, about how much happier i could be with someone else. We go on in this cycle till we wear ourselves out.

her: I spent days, reading about my perfect sun-sign match, about how to be emotionally independent, how to handle a relationship, I was so curious to find out how you are going to be when i finally meet you, i took love-quizzes, checked my love horoscope everyday, wondering when you are going to drop out of the sky. The million dreams mystery. And now that i know you, what kind of answer are you? a puzzle that will take a lifetime to solve, and how on earth did you end up with that perfectly wrong sun-sign or that horribly wrong height! Why the hell arent u the rock-punk-dude as the quiz said, did you really take 3years to complete a robin cook book, atleast you could have had a dude-ponytail. And why is it so hard to make sense to you? Iam not the naggy female, iam the tom-boy convert, iam suppose to be on the same frequency. When will you ever notice my angel's halo?

him: "Duh! not in your lifetime, dude i feel sorry for the girl who ends up with u", that was my tag thru college, i live life on my terms, i have loads of frnds. Hmmmm, sometimes its very hard for them to like me, iam such a heartless bully, but then people forgive me, they can always count on me. I love movies, i think reading book is such a drab waste of time. Gosh people who read book, really, really need to get a life. I dont believe in love, its a marketing gimmick, is there a perfect girl out there for me? mabbe she should have straight hair, actually havent given that much of a thought. Life is weird as it is, imagine adding a girlfriend to it. And then i had to find you, you literally dropped from the sky, why the hell is it so difficult for u to eat three times a day? why are u such a pain in the neck? why cant u for once sleep on time, do i look like your babysitter to hold your finger and waltz you thru the day? why is your hair so unruly is it just like you? why cant i just get rid of u? why are u always making me feel guilty? why cant you just be happy? man my life is screwed! iam not a nice guy, and this girl drives me crazy. And why cant she stop crying? she isnt helping my nerves!

her: So we are ill matched, i was desperate to find you, and you were desperate not to find me. And when i tell u iam not the right one for u, u dont say, "whatever", u say "oh dear love, forgive me for i have sinned".

him: Ill matched, duh! who says "Ill", we are a match straight from hell, when i tell u, "go find yourself someone better", you run for you life, not stand there and stare. Do i look like a clown.

her: But cant we make this work, iam getting old, i have given up too many chances to hook up a golden fish, iam almost a stale fish. Iam stuck with you, for good, bad and mostly for the ugly.

him: Shows that you are shunted in the head, u have a long life ahead of you, and you are intelligent. No guy in his right mind would pass up on that devilish mind of yours.

her: Then why are u giving it up.

him: I had an overdosage of it.

her: Are you scared of me

him: who wouldnt be

her: Common give me a reason.

him: i dont know.

her: Well thats not even an answer, how can you not know? i knew the day i spoke to you on the phone.

him: Iam not sure about it even now, you wouldnt change a thing about u, you are stubborn, arrogant, egoistic and always crying. You dont eat on time, dont do anything i ask you to do.

her: How does that make a difference to how you feel about me. And i do try. You know eating and sleeping is not a big deal.

him: See this is how you are, always stubborn. iam trying to help u.

DeadLock....

him: Everybody hurts sometimes. You never understood how i feel. I was protecting you, i was making sure you had a healthy lifestyle. You are the best thing that has happened to me, you made me a better person. i can look into your eyes and be lost in it forever. I hate it when u cry and i hate it more, cause iam the reason, wont u be better off without me. When i leave, it would hurt you for a while, but u will meet someone soon who will take better care of you.

her: Why is it so hard to believe in love. how come i never found it? why cant he believe that iam in love with him. I miss him so much when he is not around. I hate it when he is busy and indifferent, everytime i want to start a fight so i will get his undivided attention. why am i digging my own grave? why cant i make him a part of my life, instead of making him my life? is love another form of obsession? Wont he better of with someone normal, who understand how he feels, who would be sweet to him and treat him well?

The End???

him: Cant I be her friend, I still want to be a part of her life.

her: How can i convince him that he is a more than a friend to me.

p.s. When do i close the deal for an M&B book

Closure

2009-07-05T13:17:00.000+05:30

Cant believe this DAY hppnd for real.... 10-5 the longest and the scariest day of my life...

And I say...

2009-07-04T13:15:00.000+05:30

Now that being gay is legal... I wonder how many people are happy :)

But why?

2009-06-29T10:09:00.000+05:30

Here is a thing, i hate certain people for certain reasons at certain times. Since iam weak in the grey areas, its always the complete unadulterated HATE.

I recently moved to another apartment. Looking back, the two most hated people for the past one year is pi and di, my flat-mates, everytime i hear them talk its like someone shovelled shrapnels into my ears. That bad!

So about di, she is a freak goes into every shop, tries on every beeping thing, but doesnt spend a penny caz nothing can be too perfect for her, there is always that one stitch out of place or one inch too far. She can beeping find fault with everything. But di's bigger problem in life, she is full of bullshit.

pi is a definite master piece, last morning i saw di and pi cleaning the dining room table... pause... isnt there like 2bales of festering clothes in pi's laundry bag, its been there forever and ever! And pi is rubbing a table cleaned by the maid in the morning, i get why di does it, she is screwed in the head like hell, but pi? well she did her BA, MA, MBA... and now she is doing di! :D

Does god create them in such perfect pairs?

shopping jatka

2009-06-26T10:28:00.000+05:30

Here is a thing, its end of season sale time.

Buy 2 get 50% off and buy 1 get 25% off.

If you buy 1tshirt which costs around 1200, after discount it would come to around 900. And the beeping thing about the sale is you are not going to find an equally fab tshirt to use the 50% off. But if u could find a NICE tshirt around 400, then for 800bucks u will get ur fabulous tshirt-uno and another NICE tshirt and you would have saved 100bucks :).

Have fun shopping...

2years and still counting

2009-06-24T10:25:00.001+05:30

Someday i want my own private library :)

The numbers

2009-06-19T09:56:00.000+05:30

i tried but failed.... so avantgarde it will be!

here is a thing, i turned 27, its not flattering, but its the beeping truth. Its tough coming to terms with the fact. How do i convince myself that iam still a rock star!

The thing about bdays, new years and the whole trolley of affairs is the freaking messages... i get atleast three sms-ed-wishes from unknown numbers everytime, so here is a thing, if someone-unknown thinks sending me a sms-ed-wish on my bday will do, do i have to call them back to find out who it is?

A polite thankyou with a fake smiley is the usual formula! But this time, my freaking phone spoilt the fun, all the sms-ed wish i got was from unknown numbers, caz symbian *beep*(to understand the beep watch south park on vh1, its a freaking insult) flashed my address book twice, and went to sleep!

I would have still been satisfied with the "thankyou fake smiley routine", but my bfrnd buggered me to call these quite well-wishers. well, it wasnt that bad.

Which reminds me of this one time, i was getting sms-ed-greetings from this unknown number all the time. Well iam a big time sucker for closures, so what happens when the rock stars decides to cut back on someone, i delete the contact from my phone forever and ever and ever! one of the reasons i get so many unknown greetings. Anyways, out of the 10 worst things i have done in life the worst is trying to give a face to the banished number. I ended up solving the "guess who" puzzle wid a duffer for almost an hour!

Once a beep-beep-beep-moron told me, my writing follows my thoughts, incoherent!

So here is a thing, i dont know whats the thing! iam confused like a spinning penny, is it a head or a tail, or would i go on chasing my tail like the penny! whatever!

Iam writting this cause iam pissed off that iam 27, iam pissed with all the sappy guesses about how old iam, why does anyone beep-beep care?

What are the possible things i could have become?

1. 27 housewife, 2 kids, 1 husband, wallflower.
2. 27 burnout, 1kid, 1 husband, 1 dead-end job, house loan, car loan.
3. 27 desperate, 1 husband onsite, arranged marriage, big house, big car.
4. 27 bored, 1 hot job, 1 husband on a skewed line, trying to match point at office.
5. 27 satisfied, ??? well i should be dead for that.
6. 27 normal, too abnormal a thought!
7. 27 nun, but why!
8. 27 millionaires, i wish!
9. 27 Christian bale's fiancee, really?
10. 27 drummer for metallica, quit!

And me! 27, falls while walking on the road. And everytime i fall he is there for me.

The much wanted change after 95 :)

2009-04-20T10:18:00.000+05:30

Will continue to blog here

Duh!

2009-01-09T13:30:00.000+05:30

As i look around, i realise something is happening in everybodys life, except mine...... its so irritating.... 2008, has been the worst year in my life, everything went from bad to terrible, and i havent got out of the jam yet :(

The written off me....

2008-12-18T14:03:00.000+05:30

Do you talk to yourself ? cause i do, almost all the time, i keep myself company. Lately, i have got this itch in my head to write a book, but then everytime i get down to writing it, the words just dont flow, for example when iam walking on the road, i would be spinning a story in head....

"He was standing there, his hands crossed against his chest, with a smile on his lip, errrr... now he is waving, am i smiling at a stranger, whats happening, why is he waving at me, is there s huge truck heading my way, strange ..... blaah.... blaah".... i mean i could narrate an entire debacle, starting from there, but then i cant write, i just loose it once its on paper :(

Really sad state of affairs :(

So you think you can cook!!!

2008-10-07T15:03:00.000+05:30

When my mom said, "the only way to a man's heart is thru his stomach", i realised that my one chance at everlasting happiness was over in a jiffy.... So u think u can cook, lets put it to the test.

1. Saute onion till Golden Brown...
white, white... whoa, its taking forever, increase the flame, good its turning brown, brown, brown(errr... this isnt a racist commentary).... and duh! isnt gold yellow.... well, the concoction is chocolate brown now, and smells lik.... burnt onion... damn! its black in 0.2seconds...
2. Is One Teaspoon = 1/2 Tablespoon
Ofcourse not dumbo, doesnt matter whether you are using a Teaspoon or Tablespoon, you are going to get it wrong anyways...
3. Add salt to taste
Without salt sambhar and rasam would taste exactly the same... so start by adding a teaspoon of salt... no change... another teaspoon.... now it tastes like rasam, we are almost close... another teaspoon... hmmm, tastes like a milder cousin of sambhar... another teaspoon... whoa! stop... add a whatever-spoon of chili to neutralise the salt.... no wait.... wats this.... am i allowed to add lemon to sambhar just to neutralise the salt and chili.... Awesome! presenting for the first time ever.... Lemon Sambhar beat that
4. Mystery Solved - Hot Oil
Not too hot, or the food will jump right back out, in your direction *you can run, you can hide, but u will be found*... not too cold, or u will have to wait for eternity, to saute the onion... it should be like luke warm... 1teaspoon would take approx 3secs to become lukewarm... go count
5. Disaster Alert
For all the Duds who think making hot water is the easiest darn thing, try this, take a empty utensil and put it on the stove... take ur own sweet time to fill a jar of water... watch a music video... now, pour the water into the utensil (if the utensil hadnt melted by then).... whew!!! glorious isnt it
6. Non-stick
When they say food doesnt stick to a non-stick pan, they meant cooked food, try turning a semi-cooked-weird-shaped dosa... yours truly, presenting again, for the first time ever, scrambled dosa
7. Batter Vs Dough
To make chapathi dough, add water to flour... still flour-y add more water... now sticky... add flour... ahhh!!!... forgot salt... add salty water... now sticky... keep kneading... duh! this is going no-where, *tip, throwing it at the wall, might take it places, but getting it back into the utensil is a lil painful*... add some more water... there it is, wheat dosa batter.... well you can add some finely chopped-grated raw vegetables, like carrot, beans etc., to make it... ok! ok!....
8. Red or Green
Using the red chili powder or the fresh Green chili, is the differentiator between a rasam and soup... oh damn!! ran out of chili, hmmm, ahhhh, there is the life saviour, home made red chili powder.... add.... errr.... more.... errr.... red soup.... na presenting to u vegetable rasam!

Due to my limited experience in the kitchen... :( i just cant think of a 9 and 10, since, i think-believe-stopped-thinking-might-think 8 to be unlucky, and 9... errr... u know.... so here goes

9. shout-out to Maggie.... the life saviour
10. shout-out to Hershey's chocolate syrup.... the life giver

shadows

2008-10-06T10:50:00.000+05:30

When was the last time your heart skipped a beat, it seems lik forever since life changed, all the "mills and boons" and the million ads around valentines, turned out to be an illusion for the blind...

There was a time, when your life had shadows, shadows of interesting people.... shadows cause u dont meet their eyes, dont talk to them, but know that they exist, and take delight in the fact that they are giving u their attention... they lounge in their corridor at 6, waiting for u to pass by, thats when ur heart skipped a beat... then there are the strangers, you meet and forget almost simultaneously, but its just the moment, a moment when u know that he is looking in your direction, there goes another beat... and slowly u grow up, being pulled into the mire of studies and work.... too busy to give attention to the shadows, and slowly the shadows dissolve too.... And then before you can say, "wat ?" , you meet the one person who is going to change your life forever, there is no heartbeat skipping, no giddiness, its a normal friendship, that somehow evolves over time into a relationship... the shadows disappear forever....

Sitting at home on a weekend, after watching three movies in a row, you wonder who the hell believes in love, well.... that is what we call innocence dissolving.

jazzy...

2008-09-30T11:40:00.000+05:30

The babe has got a new bloke.... :) The i-mate JASJAM....

And look who is waking up at 6....

2008-09-25T13:14:00.000+05:30

Pick a lazy gurl, add excess cash, remove home-town.... what u get is a lazy ass gushing in chocolates and fried snacks.... add some guilt and lots of fat.... and that would be me sweating it out in the gym....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AT DINNER!
me: * making a disgusted face * Dal and Rice ?
phrnd: yeh lets cook
me: no way lets order pizza, i hav free garlic bread stick coupons
phrnd: * big sigh *
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AT GYM!
dietitian: What did u have for dinner
me: * sad grin * chinese ...... * dreaming about the dragon fried crispy vegetable *
dietitian: * shakes her head sadly and walks away *... * did she really look sad, errr, lil exaggeration, why the hell would she look sad :P *
( Gosh! is it a sin to eat )
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AND THE DIARY!
I even started writing a diet diary..... Every page has an "INSPIRATIONAL" tagline about good eating habits....
page1 : Avoid cheese ---- ADDED GRAFFITI
page2 : Drink 8-10litters of water a day ---- Am i supposed to live in the loo
page3 : Avoid fried food ---- Duh! what else is there to eat ? boiled pizza ?
page4 : Avoid carbonated drinks ---- Duh! buh!!
Conclusion, that aint going well either....
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AND WHEN I GET BORED!!! ..... i eat
Sometimes its weird, cause when i was a kid my mom used to take me to the doctor to make me eat more food, and now i cant stop eating food.... * big sigh *.... And all i want is fried, high calorie chocolasious food....

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p.s. Recipe for Boiled Pizza

1. Medium sized pizza, preferable cheese burst from dominoes

2. 2litters water

3. Secret sauce * hush *

Keep the pizza aside (opened) for 2 days. Prepare the secret sauce.

After two days, boil the pizza in 2litters of water, and add exactly 1.0001 litter of argon*

* Argon has approximately the same solubility in water as oxygen and is 2.5 times more soluble in water than nitrogen (DUH!!! i said argon not nitrogen). Argon is colorless, odorless, tasteless and nontoxic(AND HENCE PROVED NONTOXIC) in both its liquid and gaseous forms (PREFERABLY GASEOUS STATE - it gives an "effervescent" flavour) *

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Disclaimer : The above recipe is for consumption purpose only, if say a person gets hurt, by throwing the resultant food at each other, the author is not to be held responsible.

Which mobile are they selling

2008-09-11T15:27:00.000+05:30

Books Update

2008-09-10T16:47:00.000+05:30

Almost finished reading "Amulet of Samarkand" by Jonathan Stroud, and simultaneously also reading "Not a Penny More, not a Penny less" by Jeffery Archer.... yeh, forgot to mention, read inbetween "The Hobbit", by J. R. R. Tolkien, totally awesome.

Bought Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler, i have no clue why, esp, after i watched the movies, "Schindler List" and "The Pianist", both based on nazi, thought will take a look at the Devil's side of the story...

says who.... says me!!!

2008-09-09T16:20:00.001+05:30

1. Nice Guys finish last.... errrr.... Nice Gurls.... dont exists
2. Finished first and finishing last is logically the same, ok this how it works, a guy who finished first is done even before the game begins, and misses out on all the fun and the guy who finishes last, reaches too late and cannot be a part of it.
3. The Grass on the other side is always greener, why not the sea ?? float in the sea without any hooks :)
4. Dont raise hell, till you are sure of getting out

More Books.....

2008-08-26T15:59:00.000+05:30

Finally finished the book, "Peter the Great". Started Reading "Snow" by Orhan Pamuk and "Chaos" by James Gleick.
Tried my hands at writing, but no success in that department, mabbe i should try my hand at writing a travelogue first... :)
Think i got a permanent writer's block.... * sad grin *

cook-tress

2008-06-30T16:49:00.001+05:30

The past two weeks, without doubt has proved that iam a cooking disaster!

For some nonsensical reason i decided to cook every darn day :( ... the first one week was ok! everything i cooked was the product of the same concoction, oil + ginger & garlic paste + onion + tomato + veggies... and it tasted just the same, whether it was sambhar or mixed vege pulav.

That is when the brilliant me started experimenting, it starts with frantic calls to mom for on the fly recipes, and then cooking with missing ingredients substituted with watever, like substituting green chillies with capsicum or tamarind juice with lemon juice.

So the end product once edible was now.. weird, i cooked up something yday with capsicum, pepper, chilli powder, tomatoes and channa, and added half of the cut onions after cooking the food... it tasted lik a cross between a soup gone wrong and a southy namesake chat.

So the once confident me who cooked up wonders like Maggie with cheese, now feel like i have lost my cooking touch... what a disaster to humankind

Maybe its time to buy one of those blasphemous cook books that would forever block my creativity...

And for people who dint know, there are two types of cook, one that cooks with their nose and the other that cooks by burning their hand... this is how it works, i always smell the food and if it smells good means it taste good, that is cooking by nose, and the other category is the one's who keep sampling the food, by pouring hot boiling liquid on their hand, obviously burning their hand in the process... i hope the readers realise, its not stupid to pour the hot liquid directly in your hand, cause putting the hot spoon with the hot liquid into your mouth will cause adverse results.

p.s. for all the aspiring cook-tressess... all the best in finding a good cook!!!!

fantasy...

2008-06-30T14:30:00.000+05:30

One fantasy i have had ever since i was a kid was to become either a painter or a writer.

Right into college, the first thing i started doing was writing, and for some insane reason, it was always a pathetically sad story with misery and dark emotions, or some third grade prose dashed away during class hours, to be circulated... And sometimes when i had to take notes in class, i used to pick up words from the dictation and write my own lines, hoping it would end up forming a story. And in my final year i found blogging, i havent written a single story in my blog life... most of my writings were/are major indulgence into narcissism.

My other fantasy of becoming a painter started when i was in school and i was doing this majorly absurd 'abstract art' out of sheer boredom, everyone who saw those works still believe i will some day be a major dudette in the arty world... but the fact is back then and even now, i dont know the difference between an oil and water paint :P

just wondering....

2008-06-30T13:19:00.000+05:30

Walking back from lunch or tea breaks, you inadvertently end up listening to stuff like, "guys i need to run, i havent prepared for the exam", or, "guys i need to complete that excel sheet got to run", or "guys i need to attend that class iam late", and these hyped snippets of conversation is always from the over-achievers or the class-toppers.

Everyone has the same exams, excel sheets and classes, but why is one person so bothered and the other thinks that he has nothing to do with the subject. And the downside, these over-hyped over performers are the same set of people who are the most dissatisfied in life. All thru my school-college life i have seen classmates who are perfect to the last strip, attending classes, completing assignments, taking up test and making sure they stay out of all extra curricular activities so that they dont waste time. And in my past three jobs i have seen people, who stay up late, who are always finishing things on time and an extraordinary breed which trot over their colleagues just to get that 2mnts limelight. Take bollywood for example, though amir khan is a good actor, its shah rukh khan who rules, iam sure both these actors put the same amount of effort in their work and have the same level of talent, but amir khan insists he is a serious actor, he insists that he is not doing it for the money, but sharukh makes movies that sells, i would rather watch 'Om shanthi Om' sixteen hundred times, than a movie with amir fretting and crying to prove his prowess as an actor.

So there exists a bunch of people in this world, who give their 100%, whether its studies or work and still remain unsatisfied always jealous of the next person's success, always scared that they are on their way out, no matter how many success stories lie behind them.

I always wonder, can these people actually enjoy life? will they ever feel they aren't lucky to have the job, but the job is lucky to have them?

chaos

2008-06-26T16:12:00.000+05:30

On my bday i was planning to write a big grand blog for myself, but then i dint... so anyways... belated bday wishes to myself!!

Havent been blogging for a while, blame it on... well... myself... i have always wanted to keep my work and life separate, but for the past few months the gap has acutely become narrow, time to take a step back.

Planning to blog more and work less and to preserve my brain for the overall well being of mankind.

Worked....

2008-06-06T10:01:00.000+05:30

I ended up watching 4movies yday, three gangster movie and one animated movie...

SwordFish

Chicken little

Crank

Torque

well, Did i wake up with a major headache today? positive

When i get worked up, its usually a long walk, shopping, marathon-movies or some book...

Currently reading...

Found this book in a second hand shop, after my terrible attempt at reading Don Quixote, i thought this would be yet another history book stretched to accommodate every description of buildings, sky, trees and what not.... So it was pleasant surprise, when i found the book fast paced and interesting, there isnt a paragraph in the book that is out of place. And it gives a comprehensive picture not only of Peter's Life but about the socio-political state of the period he lived in.

And Peter's Life doesnt seem any different from the Godfather books that i adore

Big trouble....

2008-05-29T15:23:00.001+05:30

This is like the longest gap in my blogs... well, i have been writing, but not the bloggy writing.

This break is meant give me time to get my act together, which as usual has amounted to nothing. The entire bloggy thingy has become so much of an ordeal, i hav so much to tell myself but when i sit down to write it down, puff it goes up in a smoke... weird... eh!

Anyways... the blog thing begins here...
I was wondering why people sleeping on the footpath, get run over all the time ? Every now and then there is yet another 'rich dude', sent to the goal, for the drunk orgy.

This is going to sound real mean... but duh! accidents do happen, and what can the poor dude do, if an innocent crash into the pavement, implys you get goaled for murder!

Why arent the hapless ninocomps sleeping on the road, encroaching the public property, ever blamed ?

THE SONG

2008-04-14T17:16:00.001+05:30

One song that i can listen to all my life... En Mel Vizhuntha

its that time of the year... again!

2008-04-14T14:52:00.000+05:30

I dont know how sunscreens are meant to work, but i BELIEVE the one i use works by reflecting the light off my face... no wonder it makes my face shine like a mirror!
The first thing i hate about summer... using reflective sunscreens!
The second thing about summer is.... MANGOES.... it packs enough fat inside it to bloat you out of this planet... depressing!
The third thing about summer is.... its just so Lethargic, i still wonder why Indians dont follow shorter working hours in summer to conserve energy!

p.s. After all tat cribbing.... i still continue to write my bluff-blogs... Duh! some people!

75th Anniversary...

2008-04-07T08:31:00.000+05:30

I call this blog, the “bluffer blog”, cause a wise man once told me, “babes, if you think you can pour out your thoughts to this world without retribution, you are in the wrong planet”.

And hence forth I have been writing to impress people, need to be funny, need to censor the f word to f***, need to write about how well read iam, need to write about how much of movies I watch and how much of music I listen to, seriously does anyone care whether I love or hate Paul Coheleo… Its just loads of iam this and iam that crap…

- unrelated crap

Well , I had this argument with my friend, and he was telling me about how much he trust his friends and how let down he feels when they don’t reciprocate in the same manner. Duh! To ye all beings from the Ape Age, listen to my three principals in life.
#1 - The only realistic expectation you can have of a friend is he/she will eventually ditch you.
#2 - Your family will ditch you too, but will make sure that you believe its for thy hallowed holy good.
#3 - And relatives were made by God, to make sure men don’t outlive their allotted slots.

“Why so cynical?” , well, I was born that way!

- related crap

Iam bored writing this iam-awesome blog, planning to start a whole new love-affair for my sole readership. Iam done giving links to the stuff I write about, I love this book, check out the cover pic I took the pain to download from net and upload here, and yeh check out the sensible reviews I found with google… duh! Get a life!

- unrelated crap

I don’t close my almaira door, cause I want my clothes to get sunshine and fresh air, I hate the musty feel of clothes…

- related crap

do trickle in this page once in a while, I might update it about the books iam reading, in the hope that you would grab it off the stands right away… and then some big-shot-guy notices this gem of a PR lurking in these murky waters, and gives her million dollar package with job.

- unrelated crap

I found this stupendously beautiful diamond-ruby necklace in Orra, well, I was just short by 12lakh, damn tat was a close call indeed. * pats her back, next time for sure *

My Box of chocolate

2008-04-04T11:50:00.000+05:30

I still remember a post i wrote long time back...
"Found a box of chcolate, but I dont have the key"

Well ... now the second part of it goes like this ...
"Found the key to the box, but iam not allowed to open it"

And hence the story continues...

Read... what

2008-04-04T11:16:00.000+05:30

Is there a difference between a plot and story?

Take Robert Ludlum's Bourne series, there is so much of importance to the plot, you totally miss out on the story, every page keeps you in its grip, pushing you to the next and the next, till you finish the book. And there is Tom Clancy's Clear and present Danger, that has so many people to make the plot, you miss out on the plot too.

And then there are the stories, not the fleety page turners, but the slow deliberators, take Joseph Heller's Catch 22, there is not much of a plot, but then the story is so strong, that it totally gets you!

And then there are the Depressed Indian Writers, who are either obsessed with sex or dark-depressing human emotions.... i cant stand them!

And then there are the clever ones, who bring the plot and the story in an astounding marriage, take Peter Carey's Love story, it has a story about people and a plot that weaves them together.

And then there is Mario Puzo and Harrold Robbin... the Gods :)